You were right. It hurts to walk today.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
