He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
