Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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