mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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