whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
