Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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