Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize