i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
