We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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