no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
