It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
