It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
