as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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