You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
