He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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