We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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