What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize