Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize