just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
