very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
