A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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