he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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