I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize