He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
