...so i touched it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
