Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
