just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
