I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
