I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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