I hope mine doesn't look like that
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
