Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
