After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
