i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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