Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
