im having a threesome with these popsicles
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
