Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My feet surprised me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
