wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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