Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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