The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
