I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
