Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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