I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
