3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
