I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize