the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What a dumb baby whore.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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