a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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