I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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