If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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