I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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