I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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