masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize