somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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