You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
