I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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