She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize