remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
