I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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