My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
