I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize