His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I will be naked everywhere
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
