I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
