I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize