Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
