I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love having hate sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
