oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
