Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize