In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
