quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
