I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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