i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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