3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
