I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
