I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
