That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
