I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His hands were made for my vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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