Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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