Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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