The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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