wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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