my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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