just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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