mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
