it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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