My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
