just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
