I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
