I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
