When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
