Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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