I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
