Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
