dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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