someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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