If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
be right there i have to get my cape
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize