I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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