btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
