Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize