I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
