dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
