I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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