Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
