he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
