he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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